Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Bands Named After Places
Universal Orlando is currently hosting a concert series. Two of the acts scheduled: Chicago and Flo Rida — though not on the same night, which would be awkward to say the least; the ‘chronic back pain’ crowd meets the ‘chronic’ crowd.
This juxtaposition got me thinking about bands named after places. There’s actually quite a few. Below are the bands named after places I thought up, each with a video (at no extra charge).
Bands Named After Continents
Europe
Asia
Bands Named After Countries
America
Bands / Artists Named After States
Flo Rida
Kansas
Alabama
Bands Named After Cities
Chicago
Boston
Berlin
Calexico
Nazareth
Am I forgetting any bands named after places? If so, drop a reply and let me know.
- Matthew Porter
Great Quote Monday — J.K. Rowling
“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”
- J.K. Rowling
2008 Harvard commencement speech
- Matthew Porter
Hey Porter! — March Roundup
March is over? Madness! In case you missed any of the fun here at Hey Porter!, I DVR’d the whole thing…
Great Quote Monday — Winston Churchill
To get the full effect of this quote, you really need to read it out loud with a British accent.
Failed Dr. Seuss Book Titles
Why do things like this make me laugh? Because in my brain I will always be 14 years old.
In Praise Of Steve Martin
Want to read a really long, embarrassingly gushy article on why Steve Martin rocks? Give this one a tumble.
Great Quote Monday — T.E. Lawrence
‘Dreamers of the day…’ That’s just good stuff.
Matthew Maxim #32
Another installment in an occasional series…
Found Comedy — Reebok Jump Rope
Now you can LOL while you JUAD.
Great Quote Monday — William Shakespeare
Dude, what’s the preoccupation with Great Quote Monday quotes from En-guh-land this month?
The Drunken Leprechaun’s Ode To Beer
A delightful single-malt comedy bit, aged 10 years.
Social Experiment: How Can I Help You? Seriously.
Wow, did this article ever set something off…
Great Quote Monday — Zig Ziglar
If this quote doesn’t set you on fire, then your wood is wet.
Bonus Quote — P.J. O’Rourke
Is P.J. O’Rourke a (A) commentator, (B) author, (C) prophet, or (D) all of the above?
How Can I Help You? — Part II
Matthew Maxim — Update!
How do you like that? I know what I’m talking about. Mathematically speaking, it was bound to happen eventually.
Great Quote Monday — Albert Einstein
Was Albert Einstein an agnostic? Maybe. But when you talk about Beauty and Mystery, only one person comes to mind for me (hint: first name ‘Almighty’, last name: ‘God’).
How To Become A Freelance Writer — Part 1: Find Your Niche
Twelve years of freelance writing experience boiled down to five how-to’s…
How To Become A Freelance Writer — Part 2: Creating Writing Samples
A blog website showcasing writing samples? That’ll never work…
How To Become A Freelance Writer — Part 3: Sell, Sell, Sell
A-B-C, baby; always be closing.
- Matthew Porter
Bonus Quote — P.J. O’Rourke
P.J. O'Rourke
“If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free.”
- P. J. O’Rourke
From The Liberty Manifesto, a speech delivered May 6, 1993 for the opening of the Cato Institute’s headquarters in Washington, D.C.
In Praise Of Steve Martin
Long before I ever made a dime as a comedy writer, I was a comedy fan. I would study (and still do) my favorite comedians, analyzing their particular style, noting how they used misdirection, how they calculated their timing. I grew up listening to the homespun story-oriented comedy of Jerry Clower. Spent hours playing my audio tape of ‘Bill Cosby – Himself.’ But there’s one comic whose work has influenced me far more than any other.
This Sunday, March 7th, Steve Martin will co-host the 82nd Academy Awards, along with Alec Baldwin. This is as good excuse as any to talk a little about why I love and admire Steve Martin’s work. For lack of a better way, I’ll reel it all off by category (wow, I just realized how profoundly unfunny this is going to be; apologies).
Contrasts
Steve Martin’s work embodies some fascinating contrasts. On one hand, he’s highly intellectual and an avid art collector. Not surprisingly, his first full-length play, Picasso At The Lapin Agile, brought these worlds together with an imagined conversation between the Cubist master and Albert Einstein. But in his days as a comedian, Steve Martin’s comedy was, at times, purely absurd. Like out-there, non-linear, is-this-supposed-to-be-funny absurd. Ironically– as Steve Martin revealed in his autobiographical Born Standing Up– it was his intellectual bent that led him to explore that particular zany style.
Steve Martin’s comedy was/is also sometimes crude. But in his career as an author– specifically the novella Shopgirl and the novel The Pleasure Of My Company– he demonstrates a surprising emotional depth and sensitivity. Honestly, in reading about the inner world of ‘Shopgirl’ protagonist Mirabelle Butterfield, you’d think the author was a woman. And this from a guy who wrote a comedy bit about having sex with a turtle. Marvelous.
Breadth
I have long been a fan of comedy’s forefathers: Burns and Allen, Jack Benny, Milton Berle, Bob Hope, Henny Youngman… generally speaking, the generation that started out in vaudeville and successfully made the transition to radio and later television. What I admire about these folks is they were true showmen, often employing several skills in their act: singing, dancing, playing violin, juggling, etc. Steve Martin brings that era of comedian to mind for me. His career as a performer began with his earnest quest to become a great magician. As he got older, he learned to play the banjo. Eventually, his ardent desire to perform magic morphed into the desire to make people laugh. After hitting the zenith as a comedian on stage (and in stadiums), he gracefully transitioned into an incredibly successful acting career. Still later, he revealed another facet with his career as a writer. As much as I love my experiences with screenwriting, that alone will never be enough to satisfy my creative appetite. It seems Steve Martin is put together that same way, and I’ve always appreciated seeing someone who has realized success in different, yet complementary fields.
Pioneer
Circling back to the absurd quality of Steve Martin’s standup work… He so pushed the limits of this type of self-conscious approach, it became a ‘type’, known as ‘anti-comedy’ (not to be confused with ‘anti-funny’, a style pioneered by Dane Cook). This often involved making jokes about the jokes. You can see strains of that same technique in the work of Eddie Izzard, Jim Gaffigan, and the late Mitch Hedberg (sidebar: how did this blog entry– a piece about comedy– turn so book-report dry? Jeepers… Well, we’re almost done. Hang tight. And now the closing parentheses).
Longevity
There are a lot of creative folks who enjoy success for a brief time. Of those who enjoy a long career, even those who stay very active, a lot of them coast on their past success versus creating new work (Rolling Stones, Aerosmith, I’m looking at you). Precious few artists remain vital and active for the duration. I love sports, but the window of greatness there is often limited. You have a brilliant, shining career, but you get older and/or have an injury, and before you can say ‘cortisone injection’, it’s over. In contrast, artists– broadly put– only get better over time. If used well, a lifetime can season and mature their work into something exceptional, allowing them to reach places in the mind and heart that a younger version of themselves never could. Steve Martin is one of those rare people who has managed to stay productive throughout his entire professional life and whose output is still as vibrant and relevant as ever.
So I guess it will be interesting to see Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin co-host, though Steve Martin has ably hosted solo twice before. An especially memorable line from the opening monologue of one of those shows (paraphrasing here): ‘Hollywood is a magical place, a place where anyone can make it: black or white, tall or short, skinny or thin…’
And speaking of awards, Steve Martin has a few himself: three Grammy awards (both for comedy and music), a Kennedy Center Honor, The Mark Twain Prize, plus– oh gosh, what do they call it– millions and millions and millions of dollars.
So in conclusion, Steve Martin is an American treasure, a huge influence on me creatively, and someone whose work is definitely worth exploring if you haven’t. And if you can’t get that, well, excuse me…
- Matthew Porter
Great Quote Monday — Winston Churchill
Winston Churchill isn't mad, he's just considering your criticism.
As a contrast to Teddy Roosevelt’s quote last week, I bring you another formidable world leader expounding on the significance of criticism.
This week’s Great Quote Monday quote is attributed to Winston Churchill though, despite some considerable legwork, I have yet to discover the original context for it. If and when I do, I’ll be sure to report back.
In the meantime, a few words (ostensibly) from Mr. Churchill:
“Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”
- Winston Churchill
So what do you think?
Is the critic a bench-sitting naysayer whose words ring hollow because they have no skin in the game, as per Teddy Roosevelt? Or is the critic a useful annoyance whose big-picture perspective can call our attention to previously unaddressed problems, as per Winston Churchill?
Or are they both full of it?
Drop a reply below and let us know what you think. Me? What do I think about the importance and role of criticism? Hit me with a critique and we’ll see…
- Matthew Porter
Hey Porter! — February Roundup
WOOSH! Was that an Olympic downhill skier or the month of February that just sped by us at 80mph? In a month as short and fast as this, you could be forgiven (this time) for missing a few items here at Hey Porter! Luckily, below is your super slo-mo instant replay for catching up on all the fun…
Etcetera’s Back
A quick history of Etcetera for the uninitiated and a heads up about the show’s return from hiatus.
Etcetera — 2.4.10
Back in black! The Etcetera gang rocked the hizzy once more with a jam-packed super show, 1.25 hours of glorious buffoonery. Goo-LAY!
Horton Hears The Who
It’s no Epic of Gilgamesh, but I am pretty proud of this little piece.
Great Quote Monday — Blaise Pascal
Blaise Pascal… That cat gave more good stuff to mankind in 39 years than most of us will in twice that time. I think if he had lived longer, he could have invented a spaceship. Or at the very least, the iPad.
Matthew Maxim #44
Are there really 43 other Matthew Maxims? Guess we’ll have to find out, won’t we?
Shameless
Indeed, I am.
Great Quote Monday — John (x2)
At further risk of being immodest, I’m pleased with how this pic turned out. Amazing the visual marvels that Microsoft Word can render.
News From The Future — New Orleans
Did you know that all the good fortune now being enjoyed by New Orleans is owed to Ty Pennington? It’s true! Click the link above and I’ll prove it!
Can You Pour Shots? Do Tax Prep? You’re Hired!
Bizarro job posting from Craigslist. I’m no MBA, but who actually sat down and thought ‘drinking plus rollerskating’ added up to a promising business model?
Great Quote Monday — Teddy Roosevelt
A great ‘go get em’ speech from the Rough Rider.
Schrödinger’s LOLcat
Theoretical quantum physics + kittens = AWSUM!
See you next Monday (and next month!) for Great Quote Monday.
- Matthew Porter
Schrödinger’s LOLcat
ohkay guyz. ekspirimint iz ovur. Let meh out.
u kant see meh, but i’z in a box. therez also uh guyger cownter in heer an also uh flask wif poyson. if teh guyger cownter smelz sum raydeeayshun, it breakz teh flask uv poyson an then i goes 2 see Ceiling Cat. thare4, kwantum fisiks sez that until teh box iz opened, i’z both ded and uhlive at teh same timez.
PS: spoyler alurt: i’z reely uhlive.
PS agin: wud sumbodee pleez let meh out?
- Matthew Porter
Horton Hears The Who
Horton Hears The Who
On February 7th, near Miami Beach
At Fountainbleu’s pool, drinks just within reach
He was splashing, enjoying Miami’s blue sky
When Horton the elephant heard a great sigh
So Horton stopped splashing, set his Red Stripe right down
“That’s funny,” thought Horton. “There’s no one around.”
Then he heard it again! Just a very faint groan
Like an old person fell, but could not reach the phone.
“I’ll help you,” said Horton. “But who are you? Where?”
He looked and he looked. He could see nothing there
But a balding guitarist slumped in a deck chair.
“I say!” murmured Horton, now stopped in his tracks
“I’ve never seen an old guy who could still wield the ax!”
So you know what I think? Why, I think that there must
Be a band that you’re part of, though you’re old as dust!
The man then sat up, looking troubled and frail,
And with a faraway look, he recounted his tale…
“We used to be huge. We used to be rockin’.
We outlived the Beatles, The Doors, even Dokken.
Through huge stacks of Marshalls, we’d blast out our tunes,
Me, John, and Roger and the late, great Keith Moon.
We rocked out the Garden, we played The Palladium,
Became legends at Leeds, sold out Giants Stadium.
We’d trash our hotel rooms, we’d smash our guitars
We defined what it meant to be big rock stars.”
‘Grammys, not people, should sit on a shelf,’
thought Horton and then he said to himself…
“I’ll just have to save him. I’ll be brave and bold.
For a band is a band, no matter how old.”
‘Where are we going?!’ the man asked out loud.
And Horton replied “to find you a crowd!
I know just the spot and I know the way,
a few minutes from here down South A-1A!”
The man held on tight and Horton ran faster
Through rush hour traffic, just dodging disaster.
They ran to the field, to the fifty-yard line
‘Now,’ thought Horton, ‘the band gets to shine.’
They played ‘Who Are You’ and ‘My Generation’
Then ‘Baba O’Riley to standing ovations.
So The Who– yes, The Who– rocked the Super Bowl.
For a band is a band, no matter how old.
- Matthew Porter
PS: Original version found several places online including here…
Hey Porter! — January Roundup
Hey Porter! -- January Roundup
January has come and gone and thus the first full month of Hey Porter! is in the books. Missed any articles? Not to worry; here’s a summary of what we discussed…
It’s A New Year: Time To Lose Our Big ‘Buts’
Pee Wee Herman… is there anything he can’t teach us?
Welcome to Hey Porter!
That’s right, I made the welcome the second entry, not the first.
I Don’t Like Big ‘Buts’ (And I Cannot Lie)
Three ordinary dudes who accomplished extraordinary things.
Great Quote Monday — Alvin Toffler
Don’t know what the ‘futurist’ gig pays, but Mr. Toffler earned his keep with this quote.
Matthew’s Big ‘But’
No, I spelled it correctly. Seriously. Stop laughing.
Found Comedy — Lost In Translation
Still don’t know if this was on purpose or not…
Great Quote Monday — Abraham Lincoln
Whether he said this or not, Lincoln is the man.
Better Writing In 2 Minutes (Or Less) — Seriously
Results guaranteed or your money back!
Great Quote Monday — Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Sometimes the quote’s so good, you don’t need a setup or dissection.
Rock Music vs. Proper English
Don’t know if I made it clear in my approach, but I think the songs are better with the wrong grammar.
Conan O’Brien — Vaya Con Dios, Coco
My eulogy to the brief, shining comet that was Conan’s tenure as host of The Tonight Show.
Great Quote Monday — Ronald Reagan Library
Mr. Reagan, we miss you more with each passing day…
Love From CA #8 — Ronald Reagan Presidential Library
Matthew + crappy smartphone video = AWESOME!
Help Haiti Fast
The Merry Monk goes all in again, this time for a really great cause. Please join him.
- Matthew Porter
