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Just over a month ago, my good friend writer/director/producer Scott W. Smith put up his 1,000th post on his Emmy-winning blog Screenwriting From Iowa. For the last several years, Scott has posted Every Single Day. Stop and think about that: even the bad stuff we do, we don’t manage to work it into every day, right?  Much less so, the good stuff.  Amazing accomplishment.

But more than just being prolific, Scott is insightful.  A true student of screenwriting, he has ingested every school of thought and book on screenwriting out there.  The suggestions and inspiration he offers on his blog come from these teachers, from writing his own scripts, and from his experiences in traveling the country and world.

Now, Scott has taken the best of his Screenwriting From Iowa writings and put it into a book form.  He’s using Kickstarter to get the initial funding together to get this thing off the ground.  As of this writing, there are 7 days left in the campaign with about $3,000 in backing to go.  If you love films like me, please consider getting involved. Great movies come from great scripts and Scott’s book will, without a doubt, inspire screenwriters in “Iowa… And Other Unlikely Places.”

Screenwriting From Iowa… And Other Unlikely Places Book on Kickstarter

Scott W. Smith on the book

- Matthew Porter

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[a piece I wrote a few years back]

I saw him several times as I moved from aisle to aisle at the grocery store.  I would steal a glance as I moved from ‘Cookies/Snacks/Chips’ to ‘Household Items/Stationary’, then back to ‘Bread/Rolls.’

An older, heavy-set man, fully occupying a Hoveround cart, wearing a blue cap with some kind of military insignia.  He sat an at end cap, going nowhere.  Waiting for someone, I guessed.

I bet he’s a veteran, I thought.  I should tell him ‘thank you for serving’.  I’ve done this before.  Not as a habit, but here and there.  For me, it’s not just some sweet little thing that makes me feel good.  I mean, thanks to guys who served, I can do the stuff I do, pursue my dreams, live in a house in a safe neighborhood with my wife.  The biggest injustice I have to suffer is when some jerk cuts in line at the Starbucks drive-thru.  This is the gloriously free life we get to lead because these guys stood on the wall for us.  So I figure, a little bit awkwardness in saying ‘thanks’ is a small thing.

I made my final approach to the checkout, moving toward him.  Then, at the last second, I just went to the checkout.  I don’t know why.  I don’t think of myself as a shy person, but I have these fleeting moments.

While checking out, I saw some blurb on a magazine cover about Clint Eastwood’s Flags Of Our Fathers movie.  I glanced to my left and the guy was still there.

My opening line was ‘Did you serve?’

“Why d’ya think I got this?” he replied, motioning to his hat.

I don’t remember his name; I do remember when I shook his hand, his grip was strong and that he didn’t let go of my hand.  I do remember he looked me square in the eye.  I do remember he said he was there at D-Day.  I do remember noticing one of his legs wasn’t his own.  I do remember him lifting his hat, showing me his souvenir, a deep, ugly, scabby wound covering most of his head.

What can you say to a group of people who did so much for us?  All I can think of is to say, I remember.  We remember.

And thank you.

- Matthew Porter

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Friends, the magic is back: a new episode of Etcetera to brighten your life and deepen your understanding of the universe.  Yeeaahhh… and failing that, we have some buffoonery for you.

Check it out and, as always, thanks for reading and listening.

- Matthew Porter

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“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.”

- E.B. White

Quoted in profile by Israel Shenker, “E. B. White: Notes and Comment by Author”, The New York Times – July 11, 1969

- Matthew Porter

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“Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in one pretty and well-preserved piece, but to skid across the line broadside, thoroughly used up, worn out, leaking oil, shouting GERONIMO!”

- Attributed to Bill McKenna

Professional motorcycle racer

Cycle Magazine, February 1982

- Matthew Porter

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Of all the months named after a present singular first person auxiliary verb, May is definitely my favorite. And in lieu of a clever segueway, here now is a quick recap of all the fun we had this last month here at HeyPorter.com…

Great Quote Monday — John F. Kennedy

I think that sometimes the best quote is a challenging question, as evidenced here by John F. Kennedy.

Matthew Maxim #11: Hate Failure, But Never Fear It

Okay, it stinks as a bumper sticker, but read this article and see if you don’t agree that it’s relevant and applicable to everyday life.

Great Quote Monday — Helen Keller

Having read this quote– and now visited her childhood home– I almost feel bad for telling all those bad Helen Keller jokes way back when.

Found Comedy — Mega Brand Smackdown

Weeks later and I still can’t figure out how this sign got approved and printed. It’s enough to make the Hamburglar blush.

Great Quote Monday — Elizabeth Barrett Browning

Poetry for Great Quote Monday? Yep. And just imagine where we could go from here. Today Browning, tomorrow Shel Silverstein…

Great Quote Monday — Harold S. Dodge via W. Edwards Deming

I know: the word ‘quality’ is flogged so much that it has no edges left at all. Still, I think you’ll find this quote and the accompanying article worth a look.

Great Quote Monday — Jesus

And if you like this quote, try reading his bestseller.




- Matthew Porter

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“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

- Jesus Christ
John 15:13 (NIV)

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April was a wild ride. The blog pendulum swung from very serious How To’s to less serious Don’t Ever’s. Oh, and chicken jokes. Can’t forget those.

If you missed any of the fun, may God have mercy on your soul. Wait, never mind. I just noticed we have a handy dandy Hey Porter! April Roundup right here. So uh… sorry about being overly dramatic there. Boy, that was embarrassing.

How To Become A Freelance Writer — Part 4: Work Smarter

If you’ve ever wondered how to become a freelance writer, I humbly suggest giving this 5-part series a tumble. Things I’ve learned in my 12 or so years writing professionally.

How To Become A Freelance Writer — Part 5: Think Like The Client

You say you never wondered how to become a freelance writer? Then skip Parts 1-4 and hit Part 5. There’s something good in it for you. Promise.

Great Quote Monday — J.K. Rowling

We’ve had a lot of British folks on Great Quote Monday, but J.K. was our first female quoter. And wow, what a quote it was…

New Episode Of ETC This Thur @ 10am EST

There’s nothing more ‘Etcetera’ than shameless self-promotion

We Optioned Our TV Show!

Note to self: from now on, try to not give away the whole story in the headline.

Etcetera — 4.8.10

Three friends, a whole bunch of callers, one hour… good times.

Found Comedy — Now THAT’S Fresh Chicken!

Further HeyPorter! adventures in Open Source Comedy.

Great Quote Monday — Dr. Jonas Salk

I’m going to go out on a limb here and say I’m the only person who has ever described Dr. Salk as ‘the man who pimp-slapped polio.’

Bands Named After Places

A little more Open Source Comedy that, for some reason, attracted hoards of spambots. They were on this website like dingos on a three-legged possum. Whoa… Think I just had a little ‘Dan Rather’ moment there.

Found Comedy — Fatal Coke

Don’t believe it? See for yourself.

Great Quote Monday — Lee Iacocca

For some reason, I really like this photo of Iacocca. He just looks like somebody you shouldn’t cross.

Landing Your Next Job The M@tthew Pörter Way

I asked my friend, an HR guru, to vet this article for me. For obvious reasons, she has yet to respond.

Someone You Should Meet: Elam Stoltzfus

Even if you don’t like documentaries, you’ll like Elam.

Great Quote Monday — James F. Byrnes

What?! You’ve never heard of James F. Byrnes? THE James F. Byrnes? Actually, neither had I.

ChaCha vs. KGB (or KGB vs. ChaCha, If You Prefer)

There’s actually a legitimate head-to-head challenge in this article, amidst the silliness. Plus, one last shot at some Open Source Comedy for April AND– at no extra charge– a little bit of reader smack talk back at yours truly. Finally…

- Matthew Porter

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James F. Byrnes

“Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death.”

- Attributed to James F. Byrnes

- Matthew Porter

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If you’re reading this during the day, you’re likely either surfing the web for job leads or you’re goofing off at work — in which case you’ll soon be surfing the web for job leads. Either way, I want to pass along my Top Seven Tips For Landing Your Next Job.

Make Your Resume Stand Out
The key thing is to make your resume to stand out from the resumes of other job applicants. And there’s no place better to start than your name. For example, my name is Matthew Porter. Ehhh… okay. Pretty good name. But how much memorable would it be with a sprinkle of inappropriate punctuation:

M@tthew Pörter

Boom! Memorable. The @ symbol says ‘this guy is modern. Fresh. Now.’ The oomlats say ‘this fellow is either Dutch or an ex-member of Mötley Crüe. Either way, look out, world!’

And this stealth move of jazzing up your name works for the ladies, too. For example, instead of ‘Barbara Smith’, try ‘Jessica Simpson.’

Accomplishments
Next, you’ll want to detail your accomplishments, for example: ‘graduated magna cum laude, boosted sales by 10%, promoted to manager’ and so on. While these accomplishments are true, they’re also boring. What to do? Well, ‘embellish’ is an ugly word, so let’s just say ‘lie.’

Instead of the staid, ho-hum accomplishments above, try these on for size:

- In high school, I developed a Unified Field Theory reconciling the general theory of relativity, electromagnetism, and quantum theory.

- In college, I helped the Chicago Bulls win a third-in-a-row NBA Championship while also receiving my eighth scoring title and leading the team to the league’s best-ever regular season record.

- Post-college, I wrote a series of popular novels about a boy wizard, all of which have become international best-sellers.

Now that list of accomplishments pops, does it not?

So, how do you back up these accomplishments? References.

References
Yes, references will provide us with the credibility we lack because we are “lying.” For example, you can say that you worked with an ‘Enrico Fermi’ in high school developing your Unified Field Theory. However, e-mails to Signore Fermi will remain unreturned since he died in 1954.

To back up your remarkable athletic accomplishments, simply list Phil Jackson as your reference, but– and this is very important– put my phone number instead of Coach Jackson’s.

Experience
Okay, so you’re capable of lying about a few big accomplishments, but what’s your real-world experience? Are you tested and proven? No? Not a problem!

Instead of listing your job experience, how about putting in a saucy picture of cover model Ilyana Vivendi (stop Googling, I made up the name as an example)? This is a sure-fire ticket to making your resume memorable. For full effect, actually tear the picture from a magazine and tape it to the resume.

The Interview: First Impressions
A firm handshake and a strong look-in-the-eye make a great first impression. Great, yes. But not memorable. My advice? Ditch the handshake. Wait until your interviewer is close, then grab him by the shoulders and kiss his cheeks in the European manner. As any of the girls I dated in high school can attest, an awkward kiss can make any so-so situation forever memorable.

The Interview: Trick Questions
To keep you on your toes and test your resourcefulness, interviewers will often ask you trick questions, for example:

- ‘What is your greatest weakness?’
- ‘What didn’t you like about your old job?’
- ‘Did you make up all of this stuff on your resume?’

However, you can trump this stratagem simply by having a few crafty replies at the ready:

Example 1:
Interviewer: (asks trick question)
You: That’s what she said.
Interviewer: What who said?
You: Mother Teresa, when I worked with her at the Home For The Dying in Calcutta.

Example 2:
Interviewer: (asks trick question)
You: What? Oh… sorry. I keep getting lost in those dreamy brown eyes of yours.
Interviewer: My eyes are blue.
You: That’s what she said.

So there they are, my Top Seven Tips For Landing Your Next Job The M@tthew Pörter Way.

What’s that? You say there were only six tips? Well, what’s a little embellishment among friends?

- Matthew Porter

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